October was pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I tried several times to sit down and write and didn’t have any words. Feelings are so hard to express sometimes. I have nothing tangible, no evidence of my loss.
For years I was afraid to be content. Afraid that if I was, that meant I was giving up. Giving up on my dream…to rock our baby, kiss the boo-boos, have a family. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My friend sent me this verse awhile ago, “He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.” Psalm 113:9a
I read it over and over and realized the prayer I was praying for so many years was answered. No, my arms aren’t filled. No, we have no promise of being parents some day…but I feel so “settled.” So content. This doesn’t mean for a moment that my dream has died. It probably burns brighter now than it ever has! It just means The Lord has brought contentment into my heart. Contentment is so beautiful. It gives me a calmness and humbles me… knowing what all I have been given.
And in the wise words from my friend: “We are all called today. And it might be hard and it might not be splashy. But I believe that being faithful every day with everything that we have been given is where we will hear “well done, thou good and faithful servant!”