Hi friend! My name is Jessica, I am a family and portrait photographer based in Washington Dc. I am a Christian, wife, and identical twin. I love lilacs, candles, rainy days and honesty. I love finding joy in simple things.
I had a friend ask me once to describe infertility so she would better understand it. Honesty, one of the kindest gifts you can offer…understanding.
I told her the best description I can come up with is “it’s like a baseball game.”
You and your friends line up to play a game and everyone gets picked but you. You’re left standing alone, exposed and things feel awkward. No one enjoys feeling awkward, you or your friends. They wish you were picked because they want you to play. You are incredibly talented and would be great for the team.
And then game starts.
The one thing I had to grapple with is life moves on, as it should. My friends should “play the game” and start their families. It’s beautiful really and a mercy that life continues on. When you are the one left alone on the sidelines it can hurt deeply, but here’s the promise…you don’t need to stay there.
There was a very fragile time of my infertility journey that I did burst into tears at yet another birth announcement. But I learnt to pick myself back up with prayer. I started to pray for a desire to celebrate. I wanted to cheer on my friends in the game. I took meals, I attended showers, I encouraged my favorite mothers on their dark days.
And before I knew it…I was part of the game. I became their biggest fan and cheerleader. I wanted to be there for their wins and when they lost. I wanted to feel the dust, the sweat and the tears. I desperately wanted to stand beside them even if my role looked different. The desperation became a desire and the desire turned me into a raving fan.
And slowly my heart started to heal.
I still want to be playing the game. But sometimes the most important jobs are on the sidelines…cheering.
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