Margaret -Story of Motherhood
In the past year I have gotten to know Margaret a lot better and truly treasure our friendship. She is genuine, loyal, and always surprising me with little gifts. She is a lovely example of a true lady. I’m so honored she wrote for the Motherhood series and shared a huge part of her heart.
Enjoy her Story of Motherhood.
1. How has motherhood changed you as a woman?
Now I have little eyes watching my every action, little feet following my footsteps and trying to imitate them, and little mouths repeating what I say! This is a daily following and shaping of these little lives. Deuteronomy 6:7 has some strong words for us to follow. Our job is full time.. teaching them diligently the ways of the LORD when we walk, lay down and raise up! I fall short of this for sure…
2. What is your full-time occupation?
I’m employed as a full-time mom. This occupation is full of daily challenges, but this is the only occupation that has an eternal payment; molding and shaping little minds for the kingdom. I’m constantly striving to be a better mother my prayer is Proverbs 31:28 Her Children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
3. Tell us about your family.
I’m from a family of five with two sisters and two brothers. I have been blessed beyond measure with Godly parents who have shaped me into the person I am today. I am forever grateful.
4. What is one tradition you have raised your family with?
Our Little family enjoys and looks forward to going to the beach once a year! It’s a great way to relax and take in so much beauty.
5. What are your must-haves as a Mom?
A diaper bag filled with everything you possibly need for your journey. I have found there is always something I need while out and about that I just might have in my bag! An extra set of clothes for the baby is always a must.
6. What is something you are talented with or passionate about?
I enjoy spending time in the chaos and noise of the kitchen creating dishes from all spectrums of the world. This is where I pour out a little extra love for my family:) And I enjoy it greatly.
7. Any advice for new Mothers?
To be a mother is a high calling from God. Day by day there are new challenges that face you. The one thing I have found over the years is that the work I feel is important and jobs that need to be done right now can wait! Those little happy snuggles and dirty warm noses won’t have as much need of snuggles as the days fade into years.
8. Where do you call home?
Home is where my husband and children are.
9. What is your favorite past-time you do with your children?
We enjoy spending time outdoors together. One of my favorite things is to spread a blanket on the ground and just soak up the sunshine while the children run and play. I also enjoy teaching the older ones things in the kitchen. It’s a great feeling of accomplishment to watch then learn and follow through with what I have taught them : )
10. What has motherhood taught you?
I’m not sure where to begin! Along with the many wonderful exciting and fun times… Sometimes it brings much heartache and sorrow! In February of 2016, we found out we were expecting our fifth child. This brought great floods of emotions for me. I was so very excited beyond words. As long days faded to weeks and weeks to months of me keeping the sofa company. Night after night, my husband played his guitar and sang with the children “LORD I NEED YOU.” As he would play this song, I remember the tears just flowing like a river down my face. My weak body was so tired and I just would cover my head and try to sleep hoping he would stop singing or somehow forget this song. I could never tell him how I really felt about him singing. When I was resting, he was trying to bring me comfort, but I thought “if I hear this one more time I’m going to bust.” At my weak state, I had no clue what GOD was up to; He was preparing me for the days to come.
By the end of April, I was beginning to feel a little better – which for me is not always a positive sign. I had a routine doctor appointment on May 6th and found that the precious life I had been fighting so hard for was lifeless and still. What a horror… it was like Are you sure? Can you check again? To make sure the machine is working? But I was sure in my mind my active baby was very still and peaceful without the comforting sound of that strong heartbeat I once heard! My baby had died. What a sting; such a deep sting that only time can heal. As I was waiting for the doctor to talk with me, I thought now I have to bear this awful news to my husband. That was the hardest call I had to make. After a long labor, I gave birth to our sleeping son; he was so perfectly formed, complete in his own tiny way. I remember looking into my son’s tiny face and asking God, “What have I done to deserve this?” I wanted to care for this baby and finish ‘GROWING” him and feel his tiny warm nose against mine, but this would never happen. My baby was lifeless, and it was so hard to let go. I felt so much anger and frustration. I was looking around the hospital for something to break; I thought I just want to break something, and perhaps then I will feel better if I did. Thankfully I didn’t find anything to carry my crazy thoughts out on.
It was through this awful pain I realized God was preparing me for this through the weeks of my faithful husband singing the dreaded song that I grew so tired of: “LORD I NEED YOU.” This song became my constant playback in the long months afterward. One of the hardest parts of grief is the fact that no matter how many times you go back in your mind or blame yourself, you can’t change what happened: the ending will always be the same no matter how many times you relive it in your mind. Accepting the loss and yet CELEBRATING this tiny little person who was once living inside of you. This tiny life has left a hole in our family and forever stamped our hearts. We may never know why these great sorrows come. I have been seeking Gods face in the midst of this trial asking Lord Give me wisdom and strength to go from day to day. I need you more then ever before. My hearts desire is to have my aching arms yet filled once more. It was impressed upon me in the last few week of pondering on these thoughts, that God wants to hear from us. I know he is aware of my desires but, I was not coming to him in prayer like I should! Samuel 1:27 For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him:
Sometimes It’s so hard in the chaos of grief to have the right words to pray,all that comes out it is…”Oh God Help! It’s me again…” But He is just like a gentle father waiting on his child to come and pour out his heart. Friends, if you are struggling with the HORROR of infant loss, infertility or just struggling as a Mom; know God is faithful. He can take your valley and turn it into a beautiful mountain experience for your family as well as others. I don’t want anyone to think that I have this all put together- it’s a daily struggle for me to stay focused as well.
11. What is your favorite quote about motherhood?
“You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older then they were today. This day is a gift.”